Often, of late, I have found myself lamenting that I feel burnt out and completely consumed by my schedule, the pace of life, and by the tyranny of the urgent. In spite of the fact that I regularly set boundaries and refuse to get involved in activities that do not line up with goals I have prayerfully set for myself, I nonetheless find myself nearly drowning in a sea of scheduling challenges. I have come to the conclusion that it is impossible to be the kind of wife, mother, daughter, and friend that I would like to be to those I love. It is equally impossible to serve God the way I would like to serve Him.
However, God has not assigned me the task of the final judgment. THAT is very good news! He is the God of more than enough (El Shaddai). He will more than compensate for my deficiencies and inadequacies. His main concern is that I express my love for Him in the form of obedience. He judges my heart, not my performance. “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (I Samuel 16:7) Other people may look at my failures, my insufficiency, my shortcomings; worse yet, I often judge and condemn myself, as I am painfully aware of the ways I do not meet my own expectations (much less everyone else’s!). However, God sees things differently — He cares about my love and devotion to Him and my willingness to have His heart for those He loves.
When I feel burnt out or used up for Him, I am, in fact, right where He wants me. After all, Jesus was poured out and used up for me. How much more should I be willing to be consumed and burnt up for Him? Perhaps I should stop wasting my energy on introspection and self-evaluation and concentrate on pursuing Him passionately, without regard for my success or failure, and simply allow myself to be consumed by His fire? Maybe someone else might be warmed by the heat….