Writing today from a stuck place. Stuck between earthly pain and heavenly desire. Feelings want to overwhelm and overtake me. Not the fun, happy, content feelings. The feelings that are not fun. No one wants to share about them. Just put them in the closet and lock the doors. When the closet is bursting, a volcano of emotions spew over any and every one in sight. My brain understands I must feel the array of emotions, not picking and choosing which ones to keep and which ones to dump. My heart rejects it. Why? Why do we dart away from the unhappy emotions away like a venomous snake? Did culture evolve and teach us this? Misconceptions carried off to the next generations?
The Bible reveals the gamut of emotions. For instance, the book of Psalms is full of the rawest emotions of mankind. Read these snippets from David’s heart. (The full chapters are great!)
Psalm 103:2-5 (TPT) Yahweh, you are my soul’s celebration. How could I ever forget the miracles of kindness you’ve done for me? You kissed my heart with forgiveness, in spite of all I’ve done. You’ve healed me inside and out from every disease. You’ve rescued me from hell and saved my life. You’ve crowned me with love and mercy. You satisfy my every desire with good things. You’ve supercharged my life so that I soar again like a flying eagle in the sky!
Psalm 38:1-10 (TPT) O Lord, don’t punish me angrily for what I’ve done. Don’t let my sin inflame your wrath against me. For the arrows of your conviction have pierced me deeply. Your blows have struck my soul and crushed me. Now my body is sick. My health is totally broken because of your anger, and it’s all due to my sins! I’m overwhelmed, swamped, and submerged beneath the heavy burden of my guilt. It clings to me and won’t let me go. My rotting wounds are a witness against me. They are severe and getting worse, reminding me of my failure and folly. I am completely broken because of what I’ve done. Gloom is all around me. My sins have bent me over to the ground. My inner being is shriveled up; my self-confidence crushed. Sick with fever, I’m left exhausted. Now I’m cold as a corpse and nothing is left inside me but great groaning filled with anguish. Lord, you know all my desires and deepest longings. My tears are liquid words and you can read them all. My heart beats wildly, my strength is sapped, and the light of my eyes is going out.
David pours out his emotions with all of his heart. He documents the highs and lows of life on this earth. David was a man “after God’s own heart” 1 Samuel 13:14. Shouldn’t we strive for the same?
Jesus wept, was weary, got angry.
John 11:33-36 (TPT) When Jesus looked at Mary and saw her weeping at his feet, and all her friends who were with her grieving, he shuddered with emotion and was deeply moved with tenderness and compassion. He said to them, “Where did you bury him?” “Lord, come with us and we’ll show you,” they replied. Then tears streamed down Jesus’ face. Seeing Jesus weep caused many of the mourners to say, “Look how much he loved Lazarus.
There are many questions running through my brain. Could my emotions be like the wind? If there is a slight breeze, it can refresh and cool. However, when you increase the intensity and duration, a destructive hurricane or tornado forms. If I can process these not fun emotions, such as fear, anger, sadness, when I first feel them, I will be refreshed. If I wait for the closet to burst open, I inflict my suffering on all around me, including (especially) myself. I wish for a book of rules to make processing emotions black and white. Where would that leave me? Only half human. God intended for us to fully feel emotions. It is what I (you) do with them next that has potential for greater damage. I need to remember Abba will not reject me when I seek Him. “Rejection from man is NOT rejection from God.” Glynnis Whitwer, Proverbs 31Ministries.
Ephesians 4:26 (TPT) But don’t let the passion of your emotions lead you to sin! Don’t let anger control you or be fuel for revenge, not for even a day.
Father, forgive me for bottling my emotions. Grant me wisdom for healthy processing of all emotions. Give me strength for the tough situations. Protect me from the darkness that tries to engulf me through my emotions. In Jesus’ name, Amen.